10 Oct Taming Arguments for Engaging Conversations
Quite a few of us find satisfaction in stimulating conversations, regardless of the subject. Unfortunately, however, it is not uncommon for conversations to deteriorate into contentious and ego-driven exchanges, causing emotional distress and leading to arguments. This begs the question: Why do conversations become arguments? How to navigate and avoid argument collisions?
Numerous factors contribute to the prevalence of argumentative interactions over harmonious discussions in human discourse. Firstly, individuals frequently become emotionally entrenched in their beliefs and opinions, leading to a defensive posture when their ideas are challenged. This emotional attachment can quickly escalate a conversation into an argument as people prioritise protecting their ego over engaging in constructive dialogue. Secondly, cognitive biases such as confirmation bias and the backfire effect compel people to seek out information that aligns with their existing views while rejecting contradictory evidence. This confirmation-seeking behaviour obstructs open-mindedness and hampers productive discussions.
Furthermore, societal and cultural influences play a significant role. Many cultures emphasise competitiveness and the assertion of authority as demonstrations of intellectual prowess, inadvertently promoting argumentation over collaboration. Moreover, the proliferation of social media and WhatsApp groups have exacerbated the issue by nurturing echo chambers, where individuals primarily interact with like-minded individuals and are exposed to increasingly polarised views, further reinforcing their existing beliefs.
Communication breakdowns, characterised by poor listening skills and a lack of empathy, also contribute to argumentative discourse. When people fail to genuinely listen to one another and empathise with differing perspectives, misunderstandings and conflicts are more likely to arise. Additionally, the anonymity provided by online platforms can lead to disinhibition, causing individuals to feel less accountable for their words and more inclined to engage in confrontational behaviour.
With so many forces at play, it is crucial to explore strategies for fostering non-argumentative, progressive interactions. In my view, there are two essential steps.
Step 1
Identifying the Type of Interaction
The ability to distinguish between various forms of verbal interactions, such as Conversation, Discussion, Debate, and Argument, is paramount.
Step 2:
Elements for Nurturing Constructive Verbal Interaction
Building interactions through effective beginnings, formulating propositions, developing viewpoints, and conveying them in an appropriate tone is the key to success of a healthy and progressive dialogue.
Elements of Step 1
Let’s delve a bit more into the types of verbal interactions.
Conversation: Building Connections
Conversations are the foundation of civility, teamwork, and progress. They unite like-minded individuals, allowing them to share ideas, resources, and commitments. Nevertheless, the modern world’s obsession with rapid results often overlooks the importance of genuine conversations, pushing people prematurely into off-topic debates and provocative arguments. This is exacerbated by popularity metrics such as screentime, ‘Likes’, and ultimately, ‘Votes’, which are used to maintain power and public attention.
Discussion: Exploring Ideas
Conversations lead to discussions, which involve focused talks on specific topics. Discussions come to life through Unique and Smart Propositions (USPs), which are the heart of discussions, shaping ideas and their potential for personal and societal growth. Here, individuals refine their skills, aligning Context, Content, and Craft (also known as the 3 C’s of Creativity) toward shared goals.
Debate: Nurturing Diverse Perspectives
Debates, born from discussions, nurture opposing Points of View (POV). A POV is based on research, content development, contextual simplification, and the quality of presentation. While debates enrich ideas by examining their pros and cons, they should steer clear of descending into arguments driven by ulterior motives, thus initiating fresh discussions. The essence of civilised discourse lies in fostering healthy debates that uphold the foundations of a responsible democratic society.
Argument: A Barren Terrain
Arguments have become the default mode of communication in almost all media and in many groups. It is perplexing how and when we became desensitised to the prevalence of arguments as the standard protocol for communication. Let us understand how we can tame this beast called ‘argument’ by grasping the significance of Tone of Voice (TOV). TOV reigns supreme throughout any conversation, relationship, or teamwork. It not only dictates the auditory quality of speech (volume, pitch, speed, diction, vocabulary) but also mirrors one’s personality traits (class, humility, wisdom). In today’s culture, aggressive TOV prevails, sidelining genuine discussions for sensationalism and ego-trips. Elevating TOV cultivates a positive exchange of ideas, encouraging productive conversations.
Elements of Step 2
Finally, it’s prudent to structure verbal interactions to ensure that we maintain decency and focus in our exchanges. Here is a quick guideline which comes in handy.
Begin Well
Initiating conversations that foster connections is essential. Resist the allure of debates and arguments and embrace the power of genuine dialogue and connection through conversations and discussions.
Identify Your ‘Unique and Smart Propositions’ (USP)
Find, create, or evolve Unique and Smart Propositions (USP) through focused discussions. These spark exchanges of views and nurture ideas. USP need not be grand; they can be as simple as ‘affordable education for everyone,’ ‘clean drinking water and food for everyone,’ or ‘reducing personal carbon footprint,’ among others.
Develop Your ‘Point of View’ (POV)
Refine discussions into debates that nurture diverse points of view, while prioritizing the pursuit of truth over ego. Be cautious not to let debates devolve into destructive arguments.
Maintain Your ‘Tone of Voice’ (TOV)
Allow your tone of voice to guide your conversations, discussions, and debates while proactively addressing any signs of ego or resentment. Elevate your TOV to create a culture of respectful exchange, counteracting the prevailing trend of aggression and psychological manipulation. Too often, the conscious pursuit of TOV is overshadowed by USP and POV, resulting in a cultural phenomenon of diminished TOV. In such cases, even a valuable discussion is overshadowed and dismissed. Anyone attempting to initiate a discussion becomes subject to ridicule and suppression.
In summary, the prevalence of arguments in conversations can be attributed to emotional attachment, cognitive biases, cultural influences, the impact of social media, communication breakdowns, and the anonymity of online interactions. Addressing these factors through enhanced emotional intelligence, critical thinking, and the promotion of a culture of open and respectful dialogue can help foster more harmonious discussions in society. Beware especially of them who disregard TOV as a frill!
Image Note: A conversation ensues between my better half and daughter while they walk on Rann of Kutch in Gujarat, India
If you liked this post, then you may consider reading The Role of “Maya” in Negotiation, The General Theory on Fitness , The General Theory on Finance , and Creating A Personal ‘Learning Ecosystem’ also
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